This was another popular post on my Gazette blog, originally published March 24, 2013. I place it at the top now for those who missed it. I am still in the process of transferring the more popular posts from that blog — it will probably take me a couple of weeks. Most will be published here under the same dates the originals were published. Meanwhile, I will also be doing plenty of new posts here, too:
Bisexuality, Monogamy and Polyamory
One of the biggest misconceptions about bisexual people, I am learning in my exploration of the subject, is that we are all polyamorous, that we have open lifestyles that see us engaging in multiple sexual relationships. Note the word “open” in that sentence. People who engage in polyamory, in theory, have the full consent of partners, as opposed to people who have “affairs,” in which they don’t have the consent of partners and are basically cheating on them.
And then, apparently, there are some who think being bisexual is all about having sex, sex, sex and more sex with multiple partners. It’s not, of course. Being bisexual doesn’t mean we are all “swingers.”
The fact of the matter is, bisexual people are mostly monogamous, from what I am reading. We have the capacity to love men, women and gender-variant people — as in, love transcends gender — but when they fall in love with someone and settle down, they do the traditional mating thing and are faithful to each other and yadda yadda yadda . . .
Note that I started the last sentence with the personal collective pronoun “We” and switched in the middle to “they.” It wasn’t a grammatical mistake. I am a polyamorist at heart, as well as a bisexual. But just because I embrace polyamory in my heart doesn’t mean I actually practice it: I don’t, because I have never had a significant other (SO) who accepts it. Every SO I have had in life would have dumped me if I actually engaged in a polyamorous lifestyle.
Sigh . . .
I’ve also been reading that bisexual people face a fair bit of discrimination, known as biphobia, from not only some heterosexual people, but from some gay and lesbian people, as well. Yes, you read that correctly. It kind of startled me, too. Apparently, many gay and hetero people believe you must be either heterosexual or homosexual. There has even been talk of removing the “B” from LGBT. I’m still researching all of this, but it wouldn’t surprise me if this sort of biphobia is rooted in monogamy and the incorrect belief that bisexual people are compulsive swingers.
Sooo, now I’m wondering about the discrimination faced by polyamorists, or would-be polyamorists. Suddenly, instead of seeing sexual orientation as heterosexual or lesbian or gay or bisexual, I am seeing a bigger picture with monogamy vs. polyamory, and I am getting the sense that polyamorists may face more discrimination than all of the others combined. Sure, polyamorists can be heterosexual or lesbian or gay or bisexual and face discrimination for those orientations, but then we face even more discrimination from HLGB people because we are polyamorous . . .
Hmm . . . Interesting, though I am not going to lose any sleep over this. But my new exploration has now expanded to include polyamory.
More to come . . .