Bisexuality: Of Jessie J and elusive butterflies

There’s a good opinion piece by Lee Williscroft-Ferris on the So So Gay site about singer Jessie J, who announced recently that she is not bisexual after all, but is heterosexual. Lee wonders why Jessie felt the need to make the announcement, and if she had originally “wielded her bisexuality as a promotional ratchet in the run-up to the release of her debut single.”

I can’t speak for Jessie J nor do I really care all that much about her sexuality. Though, I’m not sure if one can be a bisexual person all along and then suddenly truly and forever more not be one. Nor do I know how her apparent flip-flop might affect other bisexual people or how it will affect other people’s perception of us.

Yes, “us.”

There, I said it. Though, long-time readers of this blog know I am a bisexual person (and probably couldn’t care less).

Coincidentally — not that I believe there are any coincidences in life — I have been thinking recently about just how difficult it can be at times to be attracted to members of both sexes. I am not just talking about sex here. I’m talking about having fulfilling relationships, which may not be possible for a bisexual person in a monogamous situation. Speaking as someone who has been in partnerships with members of both sexes, I have noted that neither situation can fulfill all my relationship needs.

I’m not whining; I’m just chatting about how being a bisexual person may very well be the toughest road of all re: monogamous dating/partner relationships. I can also understand how a bisexual person can fall in love with, say, a member of the opposite sex and think — for a while — that she is not really a bisexual after all. Or fall in love with a member of the same sex and think she is gay — for a while. Until the bisexual needs appear again.

Bisexuality is real. Speaking for myself, sometimes it seems it can be put aside, but it always re-emerges.

Oy. Such tangled labels we weave.

In a way, I wish I wasn’t a bisexual person. It’s a bit of a curse if I can never be completely fulfilled in a relationship. Maybe that’s why you don’t see a lot of rainbow flag-waving bisexual people.

Then again, many non-bisexual people in relationships would say they are not completely fulfilled either.

Maybe the whole idea — or ideal — of perfect love is just an elusive dream . . .

Anybody remember the old song The Elusive Butterfly of Love by Bob Lind?


– Jillian

2 thoughts on “Bisexuality: Of Jessie J and elusive butterflies

  1. SHALOHA JILLIAN:….. happy pesach/passover…… enjoyed this article by you….. i never truly consider myself “bisexual”; though i really enjoy sex with a male/female couple…. my first sexual experience was with my older brother, and i at times wonder if that is why i prefer oral sex, both with men and women, better… anyway… yadda, yadda, yadda…. it would seem “easier” if people were just “sexual”, and not gay, nor straight, nor bi, nor nor nor… ALL of these labels…… it is just so much fun to be intimate with people….. i feel that having traveled around the world in the 70’s, plus having lived in a very opened alternative community and spiritual group for years in the 80’s, so as to have been able to connect with hundreds of different people, was a blessing…. every single person i was ever with, in whateva individual or group situation, was wonderful….. aloha from the north shore of maui……


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