What if . . .

Those two words have cost me a lot of money over the years.

As in, what if I didn’t keep playing the same set of lottery numbers week after week after year after year after decade after decade . . . and they came in? Somebody told me a friend told him it happened to a friend of a friend who had been betting the same combination of numbers for years and the first week he decided not to play them anymore, they came in. So I play the same set every week, knowing full well I probably will never win a major jackpot, but . . . what if they came in?

Still, there have been some actual financial returns on my what ifs. I have made some money on what-if-they-go-up stock investments, and I’ve lost some, too. But I am ahead overall in that particular what-if game.

I’m also drawn to other sorts of what-if investments that aren’t measured in financial gains or losses, as are so many other people: anti-aging products. What if they do work, and I didn’t try them? How stupid I would look if my friends who used anti-aging products all looked like Barbie and Ken dolls until they were 90 or 100 and I looked like a little old lady by the time I’m 65 because I didn’t use anti-aging products.

Which is why I have been buying and ingesting an herbal HgH product for several years. Its promise — before the FDA got involved and made the company withdraw the promise — was to return your human growth hormone levels to those of a young person. FDA or no FDA, what if the product actually works . . . It costs all of $30 a month, a mere $1 a day. It’s worth the gamble because . . . what if?

Does it work? Well, anybody who has seen me naked would tell you I have a very youthful body, much like a teenager, actually. Not so the face, though. Which is why I recently started taking another product called Ultimate Ceramide UV — from the same company — that promises “youthful looking skin in as little as 3 to 6 weeks.” You know the story . . . what if it really does work?

Actually, my facial skin does look better after a few weeks of taking the capsules, but I’m not sure how much of a role my anti-aging moisturizing serums and creams are playing in this.

No matter. The more the merrier is my motto in this personal war on the aging process (P.T. Barnum be damned), because I have no intentions of aging gracefully. It’s not open for discussion: I’m fighting it till the bitter end, which, it turns out, might not be so bitter after all.

Indeed, a sweet report out this week about a new anti-aging product will have millions of people, including me, saying “I’ll bite!” Especially with headlines over articles like this one: Dark Chocolate Helps People Look Decades Younger.

Ohmygawd . . . What if!!!!

Reports the Inquisitr: “Lycotec, a chocolate maker in the United Kingdom, claims to have developed an anti-aging chocolate that can make people look younger. The company performed clinical trials on more than 3,000 participants between the ages of 50 and 60, giving volunteers small portions of the world’s first Beauty Chocolate, Esthechoc. The findings of the clinical trials showed that the biomarkers of the participant’s skin were brought back to those of a 20 or 30-year-old person.”

Ohymgawd . . . what if!!!!

Of course I will have to buy Esthechoc when it finally arrives in this part of the world, even if the FDA and Health Canada won’t allow the manufacturers to make anti-aging claims. It doesn’t matter, because I already know about those claims . . . and I want to believe, because . . . what if . . .?

And if this company should float a public stock offering, I’m buying, because you know this product is going to sell — big time!

— Jillian