My pizza joint won’t serve UFO aliens

We all laughed. Well, many of us did.

“So who would serve pizza at a gay wedding — or any wedding, for that matter?”

The joke trended around the world after the owners of Memories Pizza in Indiana stepped forward to say, hypothetically speaking, they wouldn’t cater a gay wedding, citing the state’s new and controversial religious freedoms law.

The owners suffered an immediate backlash. They were threatened by LGBT supporters and reportedly received numerous fake pizza orders. So, they closed the shop “temporarily,” but one has to think they will never reopen.

And they may not need to, apparently.

In what may be the first of a new business trend, someone launched a GoFundMe campaign to help the Memories Pizza owners compensate for their immediate business losses, with a goal of raising $25,000. Well, they raised almost $850,000 before they closed the campaign.

So, I’m thinking of how I — or you — could capitalize on this new trend. I don’t own a business, but I could think aloud about opening a pizza joint in, say, Montreal and come up with a hypothetical situation in which I would refuse to serve someone — or something.

So, here’s my business plan. My pizza joint will not serve visitors from other planets or dimensions, on the grounds that we don’t want to nourish aliens who might be plotting to take over the planet. We gotta draw a line somewhere, eh?

(Source: Wikimedia Commons)
(Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Now I know this is going to annoy the Raelians and other UFO believers, and they will boycott my shop. Poor me. Think of all the lost business. So, someone will launch a GoFundMe campaign to help me compensate for my losses, and I can forget the whole idea and never have to open a pizza joint at all.

And then I can go lie on a beach in some warm country and gaze up at the strange lights in the heavens at night . . .

How about you? Got any bright business ideas (though, I know it will be hard to top mine)?

— Jillian

 

8 thoughts on “My pizza joint won’t serve UFO aliens

  1. Foolish Earthling. It’s because of hate-filled, xenophobes like yourself that we don’t visit your planet. We are boycotting you. If it wasn’t for you – yes, you Sister Jillian, personally – we would have already come down and brought an age of enlightenment and peace and prosperity to your whole benighted planet. Instead, you personally, have doomed your world to misery, hunger, hate, and hockey riots. We hope you are satisfied with yourself.

    PS: And lying in the sun gives you wrinkles and skin cancer. Good thing that even on your backwards planet you know a great Dermatologist, whose name is revered throughout the known universe.

    Like

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