Itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini

No yellow polka dots.

These are (some of) my thoughts during a week of faux spring weather, with temperatures above the freezing mark, sunny skies, snow melting, birds tweeting . . .

I know it’s only temporary and winter will resume next week. But we are getting a taste of spring now, and I’m thinking about swimming in the lake, sunbathing on a beach, canoeing . . . sigh.

I decided this week that I will buy the skimpiest bikini I can find this spring.

No, not because I want to look like a pinup girl.

Regular readers know that I prefer to go skinny dipping. But there are times when I have to don swimwear because there are people around who are uncomfortable with nudity.

My old plaid bikini, summer 2011
My old plaid bikini, summer 2011

In the past during such times, I’ve worn an old bikini that, well, is too tight on top. And it just isn’t skimpy enough, because even that much material bugs me (see photo at right).

I really hate the feeling of wet material against my skin when I am swimming. It doesn’t feel natural at all.

Hence, my search for the skimpiest bikini I can find.

I see it as the closest thing to being stark naked.

As for yellow polka dots, well, my new bikini will be too skimpy for them . . .

And so the search begins.

I’ll post a photo when I buy it.

— Jillian

Top photo: Warm weather this week has me thinking about sunbathing and swimming, if not in the buff, then in the skimpiest bikini I can find. (Photo source: Wikimedia Commons)

19 thoughts on “Itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini

  1. WIcked Weasel is one of the brands mentioned most often, but I am sure there is almost endless competition for them. The sad thing is that there is no money to made of cossies made out of nothing, or else it would probably be as commercially popular as anything else is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I has a similar problem with my swimwear: since I only use it a few times a year, it makes no sense to renew it and I end up wearing oldfashioned swimming trunks.
    The funny thing is that they are unvariably long and then getting out of the water with those wet clothes is terribly annoying, but I would feel too exposed wearing speedos (not to mention the kind of skimpy suit you are looking for). Its an all-or-nothing approach for me: stark naked or prudishly covered.

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  3. …and then there is always this:

    http://www.thefashionpolice.net/2007/06/crime_of_fashio_10.html

    They are actually widely available, for both men and women, ahem, suitably profiled for each separate gender, through the likes of Ebay and Amazon.

    I’m just imagining a couple arm-in-arm wearing his-n-hers, colour-matching, walking along the water-line at their local family-oriented beach. Hmm. Spain would be the place to do it, but maybe not for much longer. Post Franco they were amazingly liberal, but as time marches on, not so much. LOL.

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    1. I bought one of those (C string) because my hubby thought it looked cool and we were going on a cruise where we could both wear skimpy to no swim wear. The front part covers my labia very nicely but that steel reinforced part that comes through your butt crack is very uncomfortable. The microkini doesn’t keep me covered so in the end it’s just easier to be nude.

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  4. I’m still thinking of getting one of these, https://www.google.ca/search?q=monokini&client=safari&hl=en-us&prmd=isvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj1nYCln6LSAhWBJiYKHWjXCWgQ_AUIBygB&biw=320&bih=460#hl=en-us&tbm=isch&q=unilateral+thong&imgrc=qx-lzbL79jlLEM:

    But, I wish someone made a temporary tattoo which would sort of duplicate, (without the time or artistry skill necessary,) these kind of body painted outfits, https://www.google.ca/search?q=body+paint+swimsuit&client=safari&hl=en-us&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjGteqtoaLSAhVF9YMKHb0jAXIQ_AUIBygB&biw=320&bih=460#imgrc=NtvRTPfbl7mG9M: Then, you could appear to have the coverage desired, (by others,) while not being constrained by an actual swimsuit.

    Yes, with these relatively warm days coming, this week, I imagine I’ll be finding a somewhat secluded spot to be without any clothing constraints, even if there may be a little snow still on the ground. It’s the air temperature that matters!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They’re certainly bold enough, but it’s a pity that in practice they are pretty well useless. Before you’ve taken more than a handful of steps, your meat and veg will be swinging low, just like that proverbial chariot, with the sling flapping in the breeze. You might as well start off without it and save yourself a few bob.

      If you fancied yourself as a hardcore exhibitionist, you could always try wearing one of these:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme

      but I think actually being just plain naked would be less provocative. It is all guaranteed to be arresting, one way or another, if you see what I mean.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Actually, it’s like a thong, so it goes up the backside like thongs do. (One name for it is, the Uni-thong.) I think it fits fairly tight and snug, but it could be a matter of whether it really can contain or cover the necessary areas adequately.

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  5. Boston just hit 67 degrees Fahrenheit, almost 20 Celsius, (19.444,) breaking the record for February 23rd!

    More snow on the ground than in Montreal, but probably not for long…..

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