It’s happening.

CEOs and office managers are starting the roundup of workers who have been forced to work from home in a bid to herd them back into the office pens this fall.

CEOs are saying they look forward to getting back to the office and seeing everyone again. Managers are saying employees haven’t been as productive while working from home, suggesting that some have been goofing off.

It’s bullshit, of course. And office workers see right through it.

First, the CEOs. How many office workers have ever met the CEO of their company? How often does the CEO emerge from his private office and mingle with the workers? And just how hard does a CEO work, anyway?

Well, I would guess that the average office worker does more actual work in, say, one week than a CEO does all year. It is well known that the higher one rises in management, the less actual work they do. Low-level managers do the grunt work for the top brass.

And consider this: CEOs and other managers usually have private offices, where they can hide out most of the day and play solitaire on their computers, perhaps pausing to write the odd memo or take a phone call. Or attend a meeting. Managers are big on meetings. That’s work in a nutshell for them. And they won’t be as susceptible to COVID or other viruses floating about the office where the herd is penned, often in open spaces with very little distance between desks.

In short, CEOs and their top managers have a life of ease with perks, like annual bonuses and parking expenses, covered by the company. It’s a system in which the least-performing employees get the most, and the hardest-working employees get the least.

The truth is, the managers saying there has been a loss in productivity may very well be the ones who do the least at the office, and they’ve been feeling very insecure since March 2020. At least at the office they can look busy behind their closed doors while they play solitaire on their computers. But while working from home, many of them have been essentially doing nothing — and office workers know it.

It is time for a revolution in offices. If CEOs want their employees to return to redundant office spaces, they need to give them the same perks they’re getting: free parking in the office garage, annual bonuses, etc.

But, really, shouldn’t company board of directors be asking CEOs why they insist on having the company pay for office spaces that aren’t really needed anymore? WTF? Aren’t companies in business to make money? Why allow CEOs to squander it?

Offices will have to evolve with the times. CEOs and managers who don’t evolve will be out of work. And employees who feel stiffed by CEOs and managers may very well take their expertise and create their own companies — and put those stuck in a time warp out of business.

Let the revolution begin.

— Jillian